I originally wrote most of the #ADULTING series during Winter Break. But in typical me fashion, I decided to unload my thoughts on social media today, and I figured that it fit into the series. Enjoy!
When we millennials were young, social media was completely new. It represented the great frontier of technology, a place where we could communicate and get to know each other on a whole new level. A decade and a half later, it appears to have woven itself into the general disillusionment of our age. There are many, many articles about the pitfalls and evils of social media, and yet platforms such as Instagram and Snapchat are still growing. With social media becoming a fixture of modern life, is there anything we can do to use it in a way that is enjoyable and edifying? People can and have written whole papers and theses on this; I am not one of those people. However, I do have three tips that might help if you keep reading.
Tip # 1: Use social media to ACTUALLY connect with people
The best thing about social media for me has been connecting with people who I wouldn’t be able to contact as much if it didn’t exist. For example, I’m Nigerian-American, and a decent proportion (read: practically ALL) of my extended family lives abroad. In particular, I have three cousins around my age who grew up in Nigeria and who I literally did not meet in the flesh until about 1-3 years ago. But before I met them, I had contacted them and I knew a bit about them. You know how? (..other than my Nigerian parents telling me about their school progress to er, motivate me?) Social media! I followed my cousins on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram long before I met them; in that way, I could at least get a sense of who they were and what they liked, and even chat with them as time passed.
I also have seven cousins who grew up in London. Just this past summer, I started a group chat on Facebook with three of them about the World Cup. It was so much fun being able to connect with them over an interest that we all share, and Messenger made it easy to contact them at literally a drop of the hat.
I believe that social media is at its most enjoyable when it is used to connect with people. I suggest using it when you want to communicate with people, not just when you want to stalk their profiles. If your friend’s Instagram story inspires you, reply to their story and tell them! If you find a funny video, share it with a friend so you can both laugh at it. If you love a photo or a post from a friend, double tap AND leave a nice comment for your friend to reply to. Start group chats with friends about common interests, whether it’s soccer or The Bachelor. Isn’t that what social media was supposed to be about in the first place?
Tip # 2: Protect your feed
One of the major complaints I hear about social media is that it constantly puts us in a position to compare ourselves with other people, leading to insecurity. In the Passion Translation, Proverbs 4:23 says “Guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being…” When you look at the social media accounts of people who portray perfection, on purpose or on accident, and when you spend time comparing yourself to them, it hurts you at your innermost being by making you insecure about who you are. That insecurity, as harmless as it seems, affects your thoughts, your actions, your interests—everything that you are, because you feel like you have to live up to a standard that wasn’t made for you and that may not even be achievable. I have a simple solution for this: you ain’t gotta follow those “perfect” people! Many of them are influencers and/or celebrities who have enough followers that they won’t notice if you unfollow them. And if it IS someone you know? You’ll probably be a better friend to that person if you are not constantly comparing yourself to them. You are a better friend to other people when your soul is secure; protect your soul.
Another thing that can be agitating: if you follow politics and current events to the extent that it continually puts your soul in a state of hurt, anger and/or depression. Please hear me out on this. It is good to be civically involved. It is good to defend causes that you are passionate about. But if it is hurting your emotional and spiritual state more than it is helping or changing anything, you may need to cut back for a bit!
There is a popular philosophy out there right now that says, “you can’t do everything, but you MUST DO SOMETHING.” Essentially, it means that if you don’t add your voice to things, then nothing will be accomplished. I…only sort of believe this. Yes, every person has a sphere of influence. If you agree with something and make that clear, the people in your sphere of influence are much more likely to take your words seriously than they would take the words of some politician or celebrity who has nothing to do with them personally. And there are some issues where previously we have expected some sweeping law or some nice quotes from a famous person to fix it, when in reality nothing gets fixed unless we actively try to fix it. (One of those issues is racism.)
BUT…do I feel that I have to have something to say about…every issue…that goes on? Not really, no. Honestly, a lot of times, when some big company comes up or some celebrity does something wrong, I feel there are enough people making comments about it…and posting similar opinions to mine about it…that if I add my opinion, it’s merely another identical voice in everyone else’s chorus, and it does nothing to add to the conversation. It just starts fights on my feed and makes ME upset. iI don’t know about you, but for my emotions’ sake, I can't afford to let every issue or insult or event in the media get to me. I've found that some issues or events are big enough that everyone else will be upset for me!!! In those cases, where I know that looking up that event will do nothing but upset me, I refrain from getting into the conversation. That way, I can keep my joy and focus on what I’m created to do rather than focus on every single thing that’s happening in the world. I am not God, and I cannot deal with every single tragedy that goes on every day. Sometimes I simply have to hand it over to him and move on!!!
I’m not saying that you should close yourself off to the world around you or put yourself in an echo chamber. But it’s no secret that what we look at on social media affects us mentally, emotionally and sometimes even spiritually. If your feed is yours to control, why don’t you follow accounts that inspire you, lift you up and make you feel better? It can only help you.
Tip # 3: Limit your time on social media
Even at its best, social media can be quite a big time-waster. A success coach i listen to, Terri Savelle Foy, once described TV as “watching other people live their dreams”. I think I would include social media in this category as well, except often it’s watching people pretending to live their dreams. In both cases, there is a point where it becomes less productive to spend time watching other people live out their stories than to live out your story. There is value in watching other people live out their stories; it provides inspiration and connection. But the only story you get to live out is yours. Don’t spend your entire time looking at other people’s lives while yours passes you by.
There is also value in living life as it is, uncurated and unfiltered. If you’re at a concert, do you really need to Snapchat every single moment? You spent your own money to be there in the flesh and enjoy your favorite artist; take time to enjoy that concert for yourself, and sing at the top of your lungs. If you’re out with your friends, it’s great to take photos in order to preserve memories, but it’s even better to spend time with your friends and create memories so good that you don’t need a photo to remember them.
The best way I’ve found for limiting social media time? Delete the app off your phone, and download it back from the app store when you want to take a look. Your account will still be there for you when you come back, and in this way you can resist temptation to look when you shouldn’t be looking.
iOS 12 also has this wonderful app called Screen Time, which allows you to set limits on how long you use apps. The only problem is that you can always extend your limit 15 minutes more, meaning that the temptation is always there.
Hope this helped somebody!
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